Troublesome Girls
by narni4eva
Summary: How does a genius get rid of all those girls he doesn't want fawning over him? Simple - he runs a competition, in which the losers will face dire consequences!
1. Chapter 1

Right, right. This is a long old fic that I originally ran on deviantart, with people voting for who should win. Obviously you can't vote on here, but I hope you'll enjoy it all the same - and you can still tell me who you're rooting for! Even though it's already written I'll only be submitting a bit at a time.

* * *

Shikamaru – Troublesome Girls Pt 1 

Shikamaru sighed. He was sick of all the troublesome girls following him like little puppies, and getting in his way. He couldn't even go out to get lunch without someone hitting on him! It was ridiculous, and it had to stop.

Still, he couldn't help thinking that Chouji's idea was going a little too far…

It had all started a week ago, when Shikamaru had complained for the umpteenth time about all the girls following him around.

Chouji, crunching a few crisps conspiratorially, beckoned Shikamaru into a shadowy corner where no one could hear them.

"Listen, Shikamaru… I've got the best idea ever. If you don't want the girls to follow you around all the time, then you should have a contest to see who is the least troublesome girl, and then date her!"

"What?" Shikamaru asked. Even though he had an extremely high IQ, he couldn't work out how that would actually get him away from the girls. Dating was even more troublesome!

"Listen, you should get all the contestants to sign something to say they won't follow you around any more if you don't choose them! Then, you take the girl who wins out on a couple of dates, and then dump her. So, you get rid of all the girls at once! I've seen something like this on TV and it really works!"

Shikamaru considered it for a few moments, his head on one side.

"Alright… but I'm not organising it all. You do it. It's too troublesome."

Now Shikamaru sat at a desk, a huge pile of applications in front of him, with an extremely troublesome job to do. He had to pick ten of his 'fans' to enter a reality-show-style contest for his heart. This was impossible. Choose ten, out of all these applications? They were all just troublesome girls!

He sighed, and picked up the first one as Chouji looked on in a hopeful way. The application cards all held a picture and then some facts about the contestant.

* * *

Name: Yamanaka Ino

Age: 18

Hair colour: Blonde

Village: Leaf

Outstanding qualities: Closeness to Shikamaru as teammate since childhood.

* * *

Shikamaru flipped the card onto the 'accept' pile. What could it hurt, to have Ino as one of the contestants? As an old friend of his, she wouldn't be too troublesome…

He continued to flip through the pile, until he had somehow managed to draw out ten finalists. Giving the ten cards to Chouji, he walked out, muttering, "That was troublesome."

Chouji looked down at the cards in his hand, and was quite surprised by Shikamaru's choices. Now he knew why, as he was choosing, Shikamaru had at times grinned evilly, looked away thoughtfully, and widened his eyes in shock. This contest was going to be so much more than troublesome. As well as Ino, Shikamaru had chosen:

* * *

Name: Tenten

Age: 19

Hair colour: Dark brown

Village: Leaf

Outstanding qualities: Managed to survive in the team of youthfulness – could handle just about anything.

* * *

Name: Haruna Sakura

Age: 18

Hair colour: Pink

Village: Leaf

Outstanding qualities: A medic nin with a caring heart.

* * *

Name: Temari

Age: 20

Hair colour: Blonde

Village: Sand

Outstanding Qualities: Having fought both with and alongside Shikamaru, they know each other quite well by now.

* * *

Name: Deidara

Age: Unknown – in his twenties

Hair colour: Blonde

Village???

Outstanding Qualities: Part of an evil organisation; Likes blowing things up.

* * *

Name: Gaara

Age: 19

Hair colour: Red

Village: Sound

Outstanding Qualities: Kazekage; and the sand, of course.

* * *

Name: Uzumaki Naruto

Age: 18

Hair colour: Blond

Village: Leaf

Outstanding Qualities: A long-time companion of Shikamaru's with an instant likeability.

* * *

Name: Hyuuga Neji

Age: 19

Hair colour: Black

Village: Leaf

Outstanding Qualities: Byakugan; being really pretty.

* * *

Name: Hyuuga Hinata

Age: 18

Hair colour: Black

Village: Leaf

Outstanding Qualities: shyness, which some find endearing.

* * *

Name: Sai

Age: 18

Hair colour: Black

Village: Leaf

Outstanding Qualities: A penchant for midriff-revealing shirts.

* * *

Chouji sighed and shook his head. This wasn't going according to plan. Half the people here weren't even female! How was Deidara supposed to compete when he was technically an enemy? In fact, how had he even submitted an application?! And Shikamaru had pitted siblings and cousins against each other! Did he even swing that way? For the whole time Chouji had known him, he had believed Shikamaru was straight… what was going on?!

He went outside and told the expectant crowd of Shikamaru's fans the list of who had made it through to the contest. Ino flipped her hair vainly, Tenten, Sakura and Temari all watched their opponents closely, Gaara allowed himself a slight smile, Naruto punched the air happily, the Hyuugas stared at each other uncomfortably, and Sai smiled round at the other contestants. Deidara was nowhere to be seen, but somehow Chouji knew he would make it to the contest…

Munching a chocolate bar he handed out maps to all the lucky winners.

"Follow these until you find the woods owned by the Nara clan. There are some tree houses that you'll be staying in for the rest of the contest. Please be there for 12 noon tomorrow."

As the crowd rushed away, Chouji finished the bar and pulled out another. Yes, he thought. In the words of Shikamaru, this is going to be VERY troublesome.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Shikamaru stood under an old oak tree, the oldest in the entire forest. Chouji stood by his side as they faced the ten eager hopefuls. Even Deidara had shown up, skulking out of the shadows a few minutes before. It was precisely 12 noon.

"Listen up!" Chouji bellowed, between bites of a sandwich. "We're going to give you the dormitory arrangements! You'll all be in pairs."

The boys all groaned, the girls all looked hopefully at their friends, and they all turned excitedly to look at Shikamaru.

"Does that mean you two will be sharing?" called out Temari. At Chouji's nod, the faces of all the contestants dropped a little. They all wanted to share a room with Shikamaru.

"First up! Pair one is Ino and Sakura!"

The blonde turned to her old friend, and both smiled at each other, before turning away, each hiding a secret sneer.

"Pair two is Neji and Hinata!"

Neji stiffened slightly, but did not stop watching Shikamaru. Hinata looked anxiously at her cousin and back again, fiddling with a bit of loose thread on her jumper in a nervous way.

"Pair three, Gaara and Temari!"

The Sand siblings, used to sharing a room in their childhood, merely shrugged and nodded in acceptance.

"Pair four, Naruto and… (are you sure, Shikamaru? Really? Alright…) Naruto and Deidara!"

Naruto glared at the Akatsuki member, obviously remembering the time Deidara had tried to blow him and his friends up. Deidara simply flicked his hair back over one shoulder, smiling in a flirty way at Shikamaru.

"Last of all, Sai and Tenten. Now, you have one hour to settle into your new rooms. Please return back here in exactly ONE HOUR – no exceptions!"

When all of the contestants had disappeared into the craftily-hidden tree houses, Shikamaru looked round at his friend with a smirk.

"You're good at all this troublesome business, Chouji."

"Huh, thanks." His team-mate replied. "I think I'm losing weight, though…"

Group One 

Ino and Sakura, having unpacked the few essentials they had brought, sat on their beds, pretending not to be aware of each other. Sakura was painting her nails, while Ino brushed her long, blonde hair.

"You'll never detract attention from that big ugly forehead of yours by painting your nails, you know." Said Ino in an innocent tone of voice.

"Well, it doesn't matter," replied Sakura sweetly. "Shikamaru has spent too long around you to actually like you, Ino-pig."

Ino made a 'hmph' noise, and turned back to her mirror. Secretly, as soon as they were sure the other one had turned away, both girls smiled to themselves.

Group Two

Hinata watched her older cousin nervously, too afraid to unpack, thinking she would almost certainly have to leave straight away.

"Why are you staring at me?" Neji asked her, the first thing he had said to her all day.

"N-neji-san, I was j-just-"

"Oh, be quiet. Can't you even stop stuttering for a minute? Don't do that blush thing! Why do you have to be so damn cute?"

"W-what?"

"With the Hyuuga looks, and a blush like that, Shikamaru will snap you up." Neji sighed angrily. "Can't you control yourself?"

­Hinata stared at him, unsure whether to be complimented or threatened.

Group Three

Gaara idly made shapes with his sand while Temari tried in vain to find somewhere to put her fan. The room was too small, so eventually she gave up, climbed halfway down the tree, and roped it to the trunk. When she got back, Gaara was waiting for her with a strange look on his face.

"Temari… do you think Kankurou will be alright looking after my duties while I'm away?"

"Of course, Gaara! Our nii-san is perfectly capable. Why do you ask?"

"It's just… I keep getting this feeling… I don't think I locked the door to the vault…"

Temari laughed and shook her head. Taking a moment to realise how different this new Gaara was, she smiled in true appreciation of how her brother had changed.

Group Four

Naruto sat glaring at Deidara.

Deidara was making little birds out of clay.

Naruto glared at the little birds.

"You better not blow them up!" He said angrily.

Deidara smiled.

Naruto glared at the smile.

Group 5

"So, Tenten," said Sai happily, "What's your special technique? I've never seen you fight before!"

"Weaponry is my style," Tenten said, a mischievous glint in one eye. "What to see?"

"Sure!" grinned Sai. A mere second later, he looked down to find himself surrounded by quivering kunais, all of which had missed him by millimetres.

"… You're pretty good…" he said, thankful she had no reason to dislike him.

Shikamaru watched with a smug smile as his potential girlfriends and boyfriends climbed down the rope ladders to the meeting place. Chouji couldn't help but feel that he was enjoying things far too much. He hadn't called anything troublesome in an unusually long time.

"Right, for the first challenge, what Shikamaru is looking for in a partner is someone who knows him well and has shared their past with him. So, you all have to tell him your fondest memory of a time you shared. Tomorrow, one person will have to leave here, so you have to put your best effort in!" The ever-hungry ninja told the waiting contestants. "You have to go in group order. First up, Ino."

Ino walked up to Shikamaru and sat down next to him.

"Well," She began, "We've been team-mates for so long that there are a lot of memories. The best ones were times like eating together as a celebration, fighting together, and seeing each other every morning. But, I think my favourite memory is the time when we all went down to the river last summer and messed about under the waterfall, and drifted downstream together watching the clouds."

Shikamaru nodded, impressed. Ino was right – that day had been one of the best of his life.

Next up was Sakura, who shot Ino a dirty look as they crossed paths.

"Shikamaru… there is only one memory I could consider as the best. That's when I was helping treat Team Shikamaru after you tried to rescue Sasuke, and you were so relieved that everyone was alright that you cried. Then you came and spoke to me about Sasuke… that's my favourite memory of you."

Hinata approached nervously, and blushed from the moment he laid eyes on her until the moment she left.

"Sh-shikamaru-kun, I think my b-best memory of you is w-watching you accept Chuunin status, b-because you fought so cleverly you r-really deserved it…"

Neji, much more outgoing than his cousin, placed one hand over Shikamaru's as he spoke.

"I don't know about this memory being good, but its one I treasure… it's when I finally saw you after we tried to rescue Sasuke. I was so relieved that you were alright, even though I was hurt, it made me very happy to see you."

Gaara looked deep into Shikamaru's brown eyes with his turquoise ones.

"I don't have a best memory of you… I want to make one, because none of the ones I have are good enough. You're better than all of them."

Temari smiled at him and cupped his chin with one graceful hand.

"I always remember when Naruto asked if we were on a date, because I wanted the answer to be yes. That, and the time when I had to stop you getting killed…"

Naruto rushed up eagerly, grinning at his friend.

"Shikamaru! Listen up! My best memory is all the times we fought together! But especially when you helped me try to rescue Sasuke!"

Deidara sauntered up, his hair swishing in the breeze.

"Shikamaru… my best memory is last week when I saw you having a shower… that was heavenly, un? You've got such a nice body, un…" As he spoke, Deidara leaned closer and laid one hand on his chest. Then, with a careless chuckle, he walked away. Shikamaru was slightly scared that Deidara had been watching him in the shower… and, strangely, attracted to him even more because of it. Shaking his head in an effort to clear his mind, he watched the next contestant approach.

Tenten's answer was simple.

"Every day I spend with you outdoes the last."

Finally, Sai gave him a bright and genuine smile.

"My favourite memory is the time I first met you! We were with Kakashi-sensei in hospital and you came to visit!! I thought you were really hot!!!"

"O… kay…" said Shikamaru, backing away a little from Sai's too-wide grin. This guy, he thought, is even worse than a girl.

"Alright everyone! That's it for today… now go get some food and some rest. We'll see you back here at 9 am sharp, to tell you who isn't going to make it to the next round!" Chouji shouted, brushing crumbs off his shirt.

"Maybe I picked some really strange and troublesome people here, un? I mean, uh, … ahem." Shikamaru remarked quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Shikamaru sighed as he looked at the ten ninjas in front of him. In just a few minutes, he would have to disappoint one of them – and the choice hadn't been easy.

"When I call out your name, come and stand over here, by Chouji. The one who is left will be going home." He sighed again. "This is troublesome, but… I must remind you of your contracts. No complaining. No following me around ever again. That's the rules.

"Alright. In no particular order. The first person who is safe today is…"

All ten drew in a suspenseful breath.

"…Deidara."

The Akatsuki ninja sauntered over with a smile. He winked at Shikamaru, making him lose his concentration momentarily.

"Uh… Ino."

Ino smiled knowingly. Behind her, Sakura glared into her back.

"Sakura."

The glare changed into a look of surprise as she joined her friend beside Chouji.

"Gaara."

The sand Kazekage shifted his gourd and walked across, seemingly emotionless.

"Temari."

She followed her brother with a smile and nod in Shikamaru's direction.

"Naruto."

He punched the air, then ran to the others.

"Sai."

The bare-midriffed boy smiled and walked gracefully over to Chouji.

"Neji."

An arrogant swish of his black hair.

Now only Tenten and Hinata were left. Hinata looked down at the ground, her face burning. Even Tenten looked a little uncomfortable.

"Well…" said Shikamaru, looking at the two remaining contestants. "It was very troublesome for me to decide what to do. But, based only on your memories and the fact that Tenten couldn't seem to remember anything good we did together, Hinata came out a clear first. Having said that, Hinata is a little too shy for me… but in the long run, that's not one of the criteria I was looking for yesterday. Tenten, I'm sorry. You have to leave."

She nodded bravely, and without saying a word went back to her room and gathered her things. While Chouji instructed the others to take a break for an hour, she walked out of the forest with her head held high. As soon as she was out of sight, however, she began throwing weapons at every tree in the forest.

* * *

Group One

Ino was chattering loudly about what she thought the next challenge might be. Sakura only sat and listened to her, thinking that the first person to go was a girl; this meant that Shikamaru was, for the moment, biased towards the guys. As two of the remaining females, this was bad news for group one.

* * *

Group Two

Neji sat brushing his long, dark hair, grumbling to Hinata about how lucky she was. Hinata herself was barely listening. All she could think of was how close she had come to losing any chance with Shikamaru for good. It scared the hell out of her.

* * *

Group Three

Gaara and Temari sat in uncomfortable silence. Eventually, Temari shifted a little on her bed and met her brother's eyes.

"This is going to be tough, isn't it?" She said.

* * *

Group Four

Naruto glared at Deidara. The little clay model he had made of himself glared back. Naruto hated the little thing. Ever since Deidara had made it last night, it had been watching him and smiling. He could feel it. It was driving him insane. Eventually, he muttered "Baka," and glared out of the window instead.

* * *

Group Five

Sai looked gloomily at Tenten's empty side of the room. It felt lonely now. He wondered what was next, and who would be leaving tomorrow. Deciding to take extra care that it wasn't him, he picked up a book on flirting techniques and began to read.

* * *

Chouji surveyed the remaining nine with a business-like air.

"Onto the next round," he said. "We'll be starting immediately. Now, as you all know, Shikamaru is a very intelligent person. So, he doesn't want to spend his life with someone who will never understand what he is saying. This is what you have to do: Shikamaru will sit in his tree house, and you will go up one by one. Shikamaru will give you each a problem, and you have to tell him what you would do to solve it."

Shikamaru, sat at a table in the biggest room of the lot, awaited the first person. He knew it would be Ino. As her blonde head appeared in the doorway, she flashed him a smile and climbed in. When she was seated in front of him, Shikamaru told her the problem.

"You are part of a four man team. You, me, a medical ninja, and a leader. The enemy has killed the medical ninja, and I am badly wounded. The leader is hurt too, but is mostly too shaken to fight. There is only one enemy left, and he has retreated temporarily to recover from his wounds, believing that we will be sitting ducks. What do you do?"

"I send the leader for help whilst I try to trap the enemy in my jutsu. Once I have him, I attempt to help you." She answered at once. Having known Ino for so long, Shikamaru was not surprised. She left with a smile and a toss of her blonde hair.

Next to arrive was Sakura. The pink-haired kunoichi looked a little down at his question. "Well… I would try to heal you with my medical ninjutsu, so that we could all face the enemy together, and have a better chance of winning."

Neji came after Sakura. The heir of the Hyuuga clan, his long black hair stirring a little in the breeze, looked deep into Shikamaru's eyes and spoke with passion. "I would kill them for hurting you." He replied, looking angry, as if it had really happened.

He was replaced by his cousin, Hinata. The shy girl gasped, and looked at the floor apologetically. "Shikamaru-kun… I… I… I'm not very strong, b-but… I-I would try to h-help you…" she seemed a little distressed, so he patted her hand reassuringly.

Gaara's turquoise eyes flashed dangerously when he heard the problem.

"Two words." He said. "Sand coffin."

Shikamaru gulped nervously, and nodded.

Temari followed her brother. "Oh, honey," the older blonde said, "I'm much stronger than you, you know. I would just save you again. You'd never get hurt with me around."

_Hmm,_ thought Shikamaru. _Gender role reversal is troublesome_.

Naruto's cheerfully smiling face was the next to appear in the doorway. When presented with the problem, his eyes seemed to glow red, just for a second.

"I would unleash the Kyuubi. Even if it consumed me – anything to save you."

Deidara smiled, and traced the edge of Shikamaru's cheekbone with one finger. "Well, Shika-kun…" he purred, "I would use my explosive clay to get rid of the enemy from the air. Then I would fly you to a doctor, un?" Shikamaru, captivated by the other ninja's intense blue eyes, shifted a little in an attempt to distract himself.

"Uh… that's… that's good… good…" He tried to say. Deidara's wandering hand reached up and pulled the cord from Shikamaru's hair, making it fall around his shoulders. He smoothed it down with that same hand.

"You should wear your hair down more often, my little stag, un?" he said, and left in a flurry of his black robe. Shikamaru gulped, and tried to collect his thoughts.

Sai deliberately stretched when he reached the room, so that his shirt rose even higher than normal, drawing attention to his toned chest. When Shikamaru presented him with the problem, he simply gave a mysterious smile.

"Genius… I would help you out and get rid of everyone else, and then we would come back and report the mission completed, and then we would go to my place, and then we would –"

"Okay!" said Shikamaru quickly, noting Sai's new nickname for him. "That's enough!"

As the nine candidates went back to their own rooms for a meal, Shikamaru shook his head in wonder. "Well, I'm glad that scenario hasn't really happened." He remarked to Chouji. "I think Sai would rape me."


	4. Chapter 4

Part Four

Chouji looked gravely at the remaining nine participants in the contest to win Shikamaru. Not taking a pause from his sandwich, he reminded them of their contracts, and informed them that the selection would take place a lot quicker this time, since Shikamaru thought any delay was pointless.

Shikamaru cleared his throat, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'troublesome.'

"Alright, let's get this over with," he said, peering down at a list of names he held in his hand. "The following people are safe for today: Ino. Sakura. Neji. Gaara. Naruto. Deidara. Sai."

Temari and Hinata were left, standing awkwardly with a large space between them, not daring to look at each other. At last, Temari looked up, and fixed Shikamaru with a bold stare. He met her eyes, and crumpled the list in one fist.

"I'm sorry, Hinata. You couldn't even think of a strategy." He said, and walked away with a strange expression on his face. Only Chouji understood that it signified deep unhappiness, and he followed his friend to comfort him on his hard decision.

Left behind in the centre of the open space, Hinata was staring fixedly at the floor just in front of her feet. She did not move or make a sound, but her eyes were wide and full of tears.

"…Go home, Hinata." Temari said after a while, as all the others went back to their rooms. She looked up slowly, turned, and walked away. After only a few minutes she sank down against the base of a tree and began to cry, not realising that she was sat under one of Tenten's kunais from the day before.

* * *

Group One

Ino was sat staring out of the window, trying to see if Shikamaru was outside. She wondered what was wrong with him, and where he was, and if this delay was planned.

Sakura was sat in silence as well, fiddling with her medical kit. After a while, she said, "Ino… you do realise that there's only three girls left now."

Feeling uncharacteristically quiet, Ino merely nodded her head.

"You… you don't think he really likes guys, do you?"

Disturbed, Ino had no reply.

* * *

Group Two

Neji was collecting his cousin's things together, since she had forgotten to do so.

"Disgrace to the clan… lower branches of the house, can't be trusted… damn cute blushes…" he muttered to himself as he worked.

* * *

Group Three

Temari idly traced patterns in Gaara's sand with the end of her finger.

"Nii-san…do you think he likes me? I mean, he kept me till last because I'm the obvious winner… don't you think?"

Gaara turned and glared at her, the first time he had done so in ages. "Hey, Temari, I'm in this competition too." He said angrily. "Just because I'm your brother, don't underestimate me. And stop touching my sand!"

Temari shot up and returned to her side of the room with a slightly alarmed expression.

* * *

Group Four

Deidara was making little clay models of everyone in the competition, and arranging them on a little shelf. So far he had Shikamaru, Chouji, himself, Ino, Gaara, Temari, and Sakura, and he was just putting the finishing touches to another.

"Hey, nine-tails," he said in a cunning tone of voice, "Look. It's you, un."

The figurine he held up was tiny, with ears like a cat and a baby's dummy in its mouth.

"YOU—" shouted Naruto, and sat, and glared, and glared.

* * *

Group Five

Sai was humming cheerfully as he reread the flirting book.

"Show off your best assets… check. Let them know you want to be with them… check. Smile sexily… check." He looked at himself in a small mirror and practised a wink. "Perfect!" he beamed, and carried on reading.

* * *

Chouji called all of the contestants out, and within a few moments they were all stood, ready and waiting.

"This test," he said, "Is a test of physical stamina. So, when I tell you to, you must run to the other side of the forest and back. The victory of this test will depend on a number of factors; energy expended, total time spent, navigation skills, and tactics employed, to name but a few. Now, I'm sure you're wondering where Shikamaru is. Well, when you win… he'll be here waiting." Chouji tried to look as if he was totally sure that would happen. "So… without further ado… GO!"

The contestants all raced off, shocked by the sudden and also biased start – Sai had been a few paces ahead of everyone else! In a battle of ninjas, even an inch could make a difference.

Chouji headed back to the room he was sharing with Shikamaru and found his best friend sat on the roof, staring at the sky. The decision he had made this morning had broken Hinata's heart, and he knew it.

"Chouji," he said after a while. "This whole… love… business is rather troublesome, isn't it?"

"Yeah… so I've heard." Chouji replied.

An hour later, Shikamaru and Chouji stood facing the forest, waiting for the first person to arrive back. They did not have to wait long.

Deidara strolled into the clearing, without a scratch, hardly out of breath, an easy smile spread across his face.

"Did you miss me, my little stag, un?" he purred sexily, making Shikamaru sweat a little.

"Er… well done, Dei-dei – er, Deidara. Ahem. Er… Chouji?" he said desperately.

"Yes," Chouji added, springing to the rescue. "Well done. Now if you'll just come over here so we can record the results…"

It was some five minutes before Neji arrived in second, an angry look pasted across his face.

"Shikamaru, you have to come quickly," he said. "I want that creep disqualified. Sakura's in there, tending to everyone he hurt." He gestured towards Deidara, who simply waved cheerily. The mouth on his hand licked its lips.

Shikamaru rushed after Neji, with Chouji and Deidara in tow. The first person they found was Naruto. He was leaning at the base of a tree, with a nasty cut on his forehead. He seemed to be in a foul mood.

"That idiot! He could have killed us all!" he screamed as soon as he saw Shikamaru. "He used clay bombs! I got hit by shrapnel, but it could have been so much worse! Ino got hit when it exploded! That guy's a lunatic!"

Shikamaru hurried around the forest, checking up on all his admirers. Ino was burnt, but Sakura was able to patch her up; Gaara had managed to protect his sister and himself with a sand shield, and Sai had a nasty cut across his stomach that Sakura managed to heal as well.

"Kami, Deidara!" she shouted. "I know you're evil, but it's just a stupid contest! It's not this serious!"

At that, Deidara pouted. "It is. I want Shikamaru more than any of you, un? You weren't prepared to suffer for him. I am. I could have been caught while I was here, and tortured, un? I didn't cheat, either, so you can't disqualify me. I just did what I had to, un?"

Shikamaru's face softened a little. Deidara looked genuine enough; and with the kind of people he hung around with, how could he know any better?

"Sakura, are you alright to clean everyone up?" he asked.

"Yes, it's fine. What are you going to do with HIM?"

"I'm going to tell you tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5

Part Five

The next morning, all of the contestants were assembled in front of Chouji… except for Deidara. Also, Shikamaru was nowhere to be seen…

"What's going on?" demanded Ino impatiently.

"Look, I'm afraid you're just going to have to wait," replied Chouji, munching a packet of crisps. "Shikamaru is dealing with yesterday's incident."

The ninjas muttered amongst themselves as they waited, and more than once Chouji heard the words 'Akatsuki' and 'disqualified'.

Eventually, Shikamaru joined the group. Behind him came Deidara, and most of them gasped as they saw him.

He was no longer wearing the long black robe of the Akatsuki, and instead he wore a tight vest top and trousers. His left arm and side were swathed in bandages, and his left eye was bruised and swollen. Shikamaru looked extremely angry.

"Right." He said, in a business-like way. "I have had it with all this troublesome squabbling. Can't you all just act like adults?" he sighed. "Naruto, Deidara, I know you two have history, but you're sharing a room, so from now on try and get on. Sakura, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't shout things like you did yesterday. If you really don't care, you shouldn't even be here." Sakura looked upset, but made no attempt to leave. "Ino, stop lording it over everyone just because you know me better. And Temari, stop acting like you're my favourite. Gaara, don't look so threatening all the time. Sai… not everything in life can be learned from a book, okay?" He took a deep breath and looked over them all, now mostly embarrassed or apologetic.

"As for the selection today… there weren't be one, because Neji is disqualified."

Neji looked up, eyes wide in alarm. "…What?"

"I made it very clear yesterday in the forest that I did not want any more violence. Then I wake up this morning and find out you've done THIS." He gestured towards Deidara, who had the sense to look humble. "Do you have any IDEA how troublesome that is?"

"But…" Neji regained control, and began to argue. "But you saw what he did! He's evil! He needed to learn a lesson! He-"

"Not from you." Shikamaru replied sternly. "Go home." He turned back to the others, who were all staring open-mouthed. "Break for an hour. Deidara, come with me."

Neji stood, rooted to the spot, sputtering with anger.

"Fine!" he yelled defiantly. "Stay with these bimbos. You'll never know true power!"

He kicked a stone and strode off angrily, trying to hide the deep shame he felt.

* * *

Group One

Ino looked over at Sakura. "I'm sorry if I bragged to you before," she said shyly.

"Yeah… I'm sorry for being argumentative, too." Sakura replied. They both exchanged a shaky smile, before planning how they could try to make Shikamaru less angry.

* * *

Group Three

Gaara looked over at his sister.

"Look, I wouldn't really ever desert coffin you, you know." He said eventually.

"I know. And you may be my little brother, but even I can see you're cute. I won't underestimate you any more."

"Good…" they nodded in agreement to each other, and carried on with their own private tasks.

* * *

Group Four

Naruto stared at the figures on the shelf. Deidara had finished them the night before, and now he looked closely he realised they were incredibly detailed and realistic. In the place of Hinata and Tenten, a pile of dust now stood, from where Deidara had created a controlled explosion. Naruto wondered how long it would be before his model was blown up, too.

* * *

Group Five

Sai looked uneasily at the stack of books in the corner, desperate not to read them any more.

"But I don't know how to do it on my own!" he whined to himself.

* * *

Shikamaru's room

Although he wasn't a medical nin, Shikamaru knew enough to treat Deidara's cuts and bruises. As he worked, trying to ignore how toned his stomach was, he began to ask questions to distract himself.

"Do you play chess?"

Deidara looked up, puzzled. "Once. But, not any more, un. I have no one to play with, Stag. You play, don't you?"

"Yes. But I can't play with Asuma any more…" he looked away sadly.

"I thought you were going to disqualify me." Deidara said after a while. Shikamaru made no reply. "I was scared, un." He added in a whisper. Shikamaru patted him reassuringly on the shoulder.

"It's alright. I know you meant well. But you have to be careful from now on, or I won't have any choice. I'll have to disqualify you. Do you understand?"

Deidara nodded slowly, and Shikamaru carried on treating him.

* * *

An hour later, the seven contestants stood facing Chouji and Shikamaru.

"The next test," said Chouji, "Is the superiority of jutsu test. Among the trees are fourteen ninja-shaped dummies. This means you get two each. In one strike, you must do as much damage as possible. You have two chances, so make them count."

The first to try was Sakura. She sent concentrated chakra at both dummies so forcefully that they were destroyed, chunks missing out of them where she had hit them. Although her style was unremarkable, it worked.

Ino, although there was no enemy for her to take control of, knew that the forest was inherited by all kinds of animals. It was a wolf she chose, creeping up silently behind the dummies and savagely ripping them apart, to the surprise of all those watching. No one had expected such an attack.

Gaara performed the predictable sand attacks, while Temari used her fan and wind attacks to devastating effect. Deidara threw a clay bomb at each, and seemed oblivious to the scowls the attack earned him.

Naruto's rasengan produced gasps of admiration. It tore through the dummies, just as it had once torn through the a rooftop. They were both destroyed in the same shot.

As for Sai, he painted rapidly with his brush, and within a few seconds the dummies simply fell into pieces on the floor.

"Well," said Shikamaru, "I'm glad they didn't need me to do it. Shadow bind doesn't work well on dummies."

* * *

Well, this was a double update because... there's now a two-week hiatus on updates. Sorry! But even a fanfic writer must holiday sometimes :D


	6. Chapter 6

Part Six

Once again, all seven of the remaining contestants stood on the forest floor, looking expectantly towards Chouji and Shikamaru.

"Right," Shikamaru said, "I'm not going to delay this any longer than necessary. Those who are safe today are: Naruto – impressive use of rasengan; Gaara – I'm still a bit scared of that desert coffin of yours; Sai – imaginative attacks, and you too, Ino; Deidara… well… just don't blow anyone else up."

Sakura and Temari stood in silence, waiting to hear who was out. Temari was silently raging, furious that Shikamaru had put her in the bottom two again. Sakura, on the other hand, was thinking very nervously about the suspicion's she'd been having about Shikamaru being gay.

"Sakura, your techniques were uninspiring. There were a million easy counters to those moves. Having said that, Temari, I've seen your wind attacks so many times that it's become troublesome. One fight with you is enough to know how to fight you forever. At least Sakura adds variation." He sighed. "However, on the basis of not just yesterday but every test we've had so far, especially the events during the physical challenge, I have to say that Sakura, you're going home today. It's clear from your comments and your actions that you aren't really that bothered about this contest. I suggest you think harder before entering a competition next time."

"Today's test is another spoken one," Chouji added, "So in an hour's time I want you all to form an orderly line outside our treehouse, in group order. Prepare yourselves."

Ino approached Sakura, who braced herself for the usual bragging. However, she was surprised to find herself being embraced by the other kunoichi, who, with a tear in her eye, whispered, "Bad luck."

* * *

Group One

Ino sat in the treehouse as Sakura gathered all of her things together, thinking about how stupid their rivalry was. Just as she was leaving, Ino decided she had to say something.

"Sakura… I'm sorry our friendship got this way. It's been so much fun sharing a room with you this week. I think, after this is over, maybe we can be best friends again?"

Sakura nodded, smiled, and left.

* * *

Group Three

Temari looked out of the window in a melancholy kind of way.

"Gaara…" she said, "Do you think he hates me now?"

After a moment's pause, Gaara answered. "No. I think he's just trying to teach you a lesson, that you never know whether you're in the lead just because you think you are."

* * *

Group Four

As Deidara exploded the little model he had made of Sakura, Naruto flinched a little. He was sad to see his team-mate leave, but he had to admit that Deidara's models were very good.

"Hey, Deidara," he ventured, "Why do you blow them up? They're good. You should keep them."

Deidara turned, and smiled mysteriously. "Art is a bang." He said.

* * *

Group Five

Sai was panicking. Another spoken test… that meant he would need to remember all the social skills he'd learnt, and the flirting tips, or he'd be out! He knew he was supposed to just be himself from now on, but he didn't really know who that was…

* * *

The queue was formed, the ninjas were waiting. Ino stood at the front, peering up, trying to see if Shikamaru was up in his room.

Chouji descended the ladder and motioned for her to go up. Feeling a little apprehensive, Ino stepped forward and began the climb.

When she reached Shikamaru's room, he looked her in the eye and asked her the question.

"What are your ambitions for the future?"

Ino stared at him for a moment, before answering, "To live a long and happy life, and protect my friends and family until the day I die, and to have a perfect husband." With the look in her eyes, there was no need for her to add who she thought that perfect husband was.

Gaara, the quiet, calm killer, had a surprising answer. "To give my life in protection of my people. There is no better death than that."

Temari followed her brother with a bowed head, and did not use the knowing tone of voice she had previously. "Shikamaru-kun," she said, "My dream for the future is to be strong, healthy, and happy, and to have many children."

Naruto's answer was obvious before he even said it. "To be Lord Hokage, and have everyone respect me! And buy a ramen bar!!!" he punched the air, Lee-style, so enthusiastically that the word 'troublesome' crossed Shikamaru's mind more than once.

Deidara looked sad when he asked the question. "Well… I suppose it would be to have a beautiful death, un?"

"Death?" replied Shikamaru. "What about before that?"

"There's probably not much time, Stag… a person like me is hunted by everyone. One day they'll catch me, un?"

Sai looked puzzled for a few seconds, then his face lit up. "To have real friends, and real love!" he said.

Shikamaru looked up as Chouji entered the room, once all the contestants were gone.

"How did they do?" he asked.

"Well, considering my ambition of wanting to have an average partner, two children, one boy and one girl, and to live my days as an average ninja until I retire and play chess… some of them matched quite well."

* * *

**Huraaaaay! Hiatus over. Back to updates every day :D**


	7. Chapter 7

Part Seven

There were only six contestants left now, and as they stood before Chouji and Shikamaru, the uneven number of boys and girls became quite obvious. Even Chouji was beginning to wonder if Shikamaru would end up with a boy…

"Well," Shikamaru said, "You all did quite well in that round. However, the decision I had to make was based on not just that round, but all rounds before it as well. Therefore, I have chosen the following people to go through to today's challenge: Ino. Deidara. Temari. Naruto."

Gaara and Sai were left, both looking miserable as their hidden insecurities ate away at them.

"Gaara, you plan to have a life that ends for your people… I suppose for someone who has lived through what you have that's natural, but I don't want a partner that plans to die soon. That goes for anyone else who may be thinking that," he added, with a glance at Deidara. "Sai, your dream was a much happier one, and one that matched my own quite well. However, you are always awkward, and act strange, and I don't think you've stopped doing things from books like I told you." Sai looked down at the floor, betraying how true it was. "Gaara, you are also the type who pushes people away, always strong and silent, but in this contest I'm beginning to see a different side to you.

"Having said all of that, I have made my final choice. Gaara, you're through to this round. I'm sorry, Sai."

Sai nodded, understanding, and gathered his things quickly. On the way out, Chouji, watching from his window, saw him throw away several books, and smiled to himself. Maybe now Sai would begin to learn to be himself.

* * *

Group One

Ino brushed her hair, wondering what today's challenge would be. She was also thinking how glad she was that Shikamaru knew her well, so he knew that everything she did was genuine. Since he hated it when people tried to be something else, like Sai, she knew it would help to be herself.

* * *

Group Three

Gaara and Temari were sat on their respective beds, talking quietly.

"Do you really think I push away too much?" Gaara asked, troubled.

"A little. But it's not your fault, he knows it's not." Temari replied, simply happy that she hadn't been in the bottom two this time around.

* * *

Group Four

Naruto watched Deidara blow up the little clay model of Sai, and looked thoughtfully at the remaining ones.

"Don't you think it's strange," he said, "That out of the last five, two of them are brother and sister?"

"No," replied Deidara after some thought. "After all, he chose two jinchuriki, and two people from the sand, and two from the leaf, and two girls, so I suppose he is just choosing in pairs, somehow."

"How do you fit in to that? And there are threes, too – three guys!"

"I don't know. I guess I just don't fit in anywhere, un." Deidara replied, with a hint of sadness.

* * *

"Well," said Chouji, once everyone was assembled again, "This round is going to be about looks. We're going to a place where there are a lot of clothes… I can't disclose the location yet, but each of you will need to choose an outfit for yourself and Shikamaru. You and Shikamaru will then model the clothes in front of a panel of judges, who will decide on the winner of the challenge."

They lead the five ninjas, blindfolded, to a house where there was an extremely large closet. The judges were all sat in the hallway, waiting. As Chouji and Shikamaru removed the blindfolds, the participants all groaned.

Sat waiting were Kakashi, Iruka, Gai, and Kurenai. Chouji was the fifth judge, and the house they were in… was Gai's…

"Everyone, try your best!" he shouted with both of his thumbs up and a big smile. Chouji snorted with amusement at the look on Shikamaru's face. You could almost read the word 'troublesome' there.

After a couple of hours of waiting, the judges called in the first entry to their fashion contest, Ino. She walked out first with Shikamaru following a few paces behind.

She wore a yellow, double-layered skirt down to her knees, and on her feet black high heels raised her a little taller than usual. The vest top she wore was pink, and over that was a black top with rips across the front. She also wore a black flower on one wrist and some bangles on the other. She had dressed Shikamaru in a green jacket over a red-and-black stripped shirt and ripped jeans, which surprisingly suited him.

Gaara had decided to wear a red, long-sleeved t-shirt with a black skull logo on the front, black jeans, and a spiked belt. The finishing touch was a necklace made of a shark's tooth, the exact copy of which hung round Shikamaru's neck. This time he was wearing black, loose shorts, a white shirt with a black tie, and fashionable trainers. He looked distinctly nervous about the shorts.

Temari wore a black skirt with a red top – the same colours as her brother. Her top, however, was low-cut and had sleeves that hung from the sides of her shoulders, leaving her neck and the tops of her shoulders bare. She finished the look off with a rose-shaped choker and knee-high black boots. For Shikamaru she had chosen a black shirt, accessorised with safety pins, and black trousers, held up with a spiked belt much like the one Gaara had worn. He looked very serious in all that black. She had added a studded choker, to match her own.

Naruto wore a comfortable orange-and-black striped, long hoodie, with three-quarter length trousers and a shirt with a picture of a ninja bunny on it, that made Kakashi smile. He had chosen to dress Shikamaru in skinny jeans, a green t-shirt the same colour as his usual jacket with the same bunny logo, and a pair of black converse.

Finally, Deidara was dressed in a loose red jumper, with sleeves that almost covered the whole of his hands, and a neckline that was falling off his shoulders, and black combats. He had put Shikamaru in a sleeveless red-and-black striped, tight shirt, and marshy green pinstriped trousers with many straps and chains on them.

After they had seen all of the costumes, the judges discussed who they thought should win.

"Naruto chose well, he looked comfortable and fashionable, as did Shikamaru!" Kakashi put in.

"Yes, but, did you see what Temari chose?" Iruka argued. "He looked smart, and older."

"You're missing the point here. Shikamaru seemed best suited to Deidara, they looked good together!" Gai replied to the two of them.

"But what about Ino? She looked so pretty, and Shikamaru looked nice next to her as well." Kurenai added.

Chouji shook his head knowingly. "What about Gaara? That little touch of wearing the same necklace… it was a nice gesture, and shows he really cares!"

While the judges argued, Shikamaru looked at all the clothes he had worn, and sighed.

"Fashion is just… troublesome." He said wearily.


	8. Chapter 8

Part Eight

"Well done for making it down to the final five," Chouji said to the contestants. "Now, as I am sure you know, we will have to say goodbye to one of you. Shikamaru has the results of the fashion contest."

"Yes, thanks, Chouji," said Shikamaru. "I'm sure it was very troublesome to choose a winner, but after much discussion the judges handed me this sealed envelope. I don't know who won yet, myself…" he opened the envelope, and read was written inside briefly. Then he looked up again. "The winner… well, it was a draw. The winners were Naruto and Deidara, for two different but extremely well-thought-out outfits. That means you two are safe for today.

"As for the others… Temari, you are also safe. Which means… I'm sorry to tell you, that Gaara, you are no longer in this competition."

Gaara nodded calmly, but there was a red flash in his eyes and the sandy forest floor around them began to lift slightly as he subconsciously summoned it. Seeing this, Temari was quick to lead her brother out of everyone else's way, before anyone got hurt.

* * *

Group One

Ino brushed her hair again as she looked out of the window. It was a fine, sunny day, and she hoped that the challenge would be outdoors. She wasn't disturbed by having been in the bottom two. It made no difference to her – she knew she was still in with a chance. As one of Shikamaru's oldest friends, she couldn't go wrong.

* * *

Group Three

Temari sat miserably in her room. She felt lonely now her brother was gone. Admittedly, it had been strange, competing against such a close relative for Shikamaru's heat… but at least they knew each other and could talk. She felt alone now, since she hardly ever saw the leaf ninjas, and had never even spoken to Deidara.

* * *

Group Four

Deidara exploded the little model of Gaara, and as he did so a thin stream of dust flew into the air and piled upon the floor, as if the model had Gaara's powers over sand. Naruto gasped, amazed, then quickly pretended it was nothing.

"Hhn, you should spend more time focusing on Shikamaru, not those stupid things," he said quietly.

* * *

"Today, everyone," Shikamaru said cheerfully, "We're testing social skills. So, we're all going… swimming!" he finished with a large and uncharacteristic grin. His announcement was met with a moment of shocked silence, then wild cheering from Naruto and Ino.

They were all instructed to meet at a nearby stream in an hour, and everyone arrived on time. They were all wearing light summer clothes over their swimming costumes, and carrying various towels, beach balls, sun hats, and other swimming equipment.

Shikamaru shrugged off the towel he had wrapped himself in to reveal green surf shorts, and said, "Let's swim."

What followed was havoc. Ino was wearing a purple bikini with black polka dots, and she stretched out on a rocky overhang to sunbathe. Temari, in a black one-piece swimsuit with an open back took one look at her, and jumped into the stream with as much force as she could muster. Immediately, Ino was soaked by the spray. Naruto, wearing orange-and-black shorts of a similar design to Shikamaru's, also jumped in, and began to swim about underwater. Deidara hesitated, then pulled of his black robe to reveal black shorts. He sat on the banks with his legs in the water as Shikamaru lay back and floated along, watching the sky.

Naruto pulled Deidara in by the legs as Ino jumped in and pushed Temari's head underwater. Temari soon got the upper hand and pushed Ino under, while Deidara frantically tried to keep his hair dry. Shikamaru thought he saw a cloud shaped like a dragon in the sky. Chouji sat on the riverbank and watched, with a packet of crisps in each hand.

Naruto swam up behind Ino and Temari as they fought each other and pulled at the strings that held up Ino's bikini. She screamed and tried to hold it on as Temari laughed at her plight, but Deidara decided at that point to get revenge on Naruto. Jumping towards him, he knocked into him so hard that he fell under the water, grabbing at the nearest thing as he fell, which just happened to be Temari. She reddened and stumbled as she, too, was pulled under the stream. Shikamaru smiled peacefully as he watched the wind change the dragon into a castle.

Eventually, they all managed to get themselves upright, and began to whisper together at one side of the stream. After a brief plan was made, they all took up positions on the banks, ready to jump into the water. Deidara raised his hand for a few seconds, then lowered it, and as he did so they all simultaneously jumped at Shikamaru.

Soaked and sputtering, Shikamaru looked round at all the innocent faces, wondering who had planned to jump on him. Wiping the water out of his face, he put on the angriest expression he could, and dived under the water. Within a few seconds he had pulled them all under again, one by one.

A little later, they tired of swimming and stretched out on the rocky banks, relaxing in the sun. They had quiet conversation amongst themselves and ate a few snacks.

"You should wear suntan lotion, Stag." Said Deidara suddenly. He reached for his robe and pulled a bottle out of the pocket. "Good job I bought some… you'd burn otherwise."

Shikamaru tried to protest, but before long he was sat with his back to Deidara as the Akatsuki ninja rubbed the lotion into his skin. By adding a bit of chakra, Deidara made sure that Shikamaru enjoyed his massage a lot, and by the end of it he was so relaxed he could fall asleep.

Then the bottle was passed round all the others as Deidara received a few envying looks. Determined to win favour, Temari volunteered to make everyone a little food, and gathered some fresh fruit from nearby. She fed Shikamaru a few fruit slices, which he found delicious and thanked her profusely for.

Ino and Naruto felt like they were losing, and so Ino began to share with him memories of all the missions they had completed together, while Naruto tried to interrupt and impress Shikamaru with all his dreams of becoming Hokage.

Chouji, a silent observer, shook his head in wonder. Shikamaru was being treated like a prince. There was no wonder he was enjoying this contest!

"Well," said Shikamaru as they all finally headed back to the treehouses, "I'm glad I came up with that idea."


	9. Chapter 9

Part Nine

Ino, Temari, Naruto and Deidara stood nervously waiting for Shikamaru and Chouji to tell them who was out.

"Well," said Shikamaru slowly, "Yesterday was fun. But… Well. There's a decision to be made. Ino, you're safe. Temari, you too."

The two boys left looked at each other, and both seemed shaken. They had been sharing a room for the whole competition.

"Sorry, Deidara," said Shikamaru. "But you'll be in that room alone from now on. Naruto, you're out."

Deidara gasped in relief, then turned guiltily to Naruto, who looked devastated. He turned and ran back to the room, trying not to cry, as Deidara followed him a little slower.

* * *

Group One

Ino looked at herself in the mirror, wondering how much longer she would last. She was in the top three… but that only meant it would hurt all the more if Shikamaru rejected her. Shaken a little, she tried to organise her thoughts and focus on the present, rather than worrying about what-ifs.

* * *

Group Three

Temari was sat on her bed, trying not to freak out about how close to the final she was. With a shock she realised that all of the remaining contestants were blondes.

"Well, well, well…" she muttered with a sly smile, making a mental note to never dye her hair.

* * *

Group Four

Naruto was gathering up his things as Deidara sat, holding the little model of him. At length he finished, and they both stared at it for a few moments.

"Do it." Naruto said, and Deidara made the model explode. Then, bursting into tears, Naruto ran from the treehouse and back towards his home.

Deidara poured the fragments back into his pouch, shaking his head sadly.

* * *

"Today," Chouji said, "Is a very special day for the three of you. Because today, each of you is going to have two hours to spend by yourself with Shikamaru." He munched a few crisps as he spoke. "You can do whatever you want in those two hours, so use them wisely!"

Shikamaru, holding a piece of paper, cleared his throat. "First of all is Ino, from 12 noon to 2pm. Then from 2.30pm to 4.30, it will be Temari's turn. Last of all, Deidara is in charge from 5pm to 7pm. With that in mind, you now have two hours to prepare and plan. Good luck."

* * *

Ino's Date

When Shikamaru met Ino at the foot of her treehouse, she smiled sweetly at him.

"Come on, Shikamaru. We're going into the village!" she said, grabbing his hand and tugging him forward.

They walked quickly to Konoha. Once there, she led him to the Ichiraku ramen stall. They shared a bowl of ramen, talking quietly as they always did. Shikamaru found himself smiling. This wasn't troublesome at all. It was just like normal.

After the ramen lunch, she led him back out into the streets.

"How about you help me choose a new outfit?" she said enthusiastically. "Since, if I'm going to be your girl, I want to look my best!"

"Uhh… sure…" Shikamaru replied, even though shopping bored him out of his mind. Her two hours, her choice.

She tried on at least fifty different items, and had to do a full turn in front of the mirror and then in front of him with each. He tried to remain focused, but before long he began to play out a game of chess in his mind, thinking of the best strategies.

"Are you paying attention?" Ino asked suddenly.

"What? Yes. You look great." Shikamaru said, startled out of his thoughts.

"This is what I usually wear!" she replied, looking a little annoyed.

"Exactly. You look great in it." Shikamaru replied, thinking on his feet.

They bought a few items of clothing, and then walked back to the camp. And that was it. It never failed to amaze Shikamaru how long girls could spend on shopping.

* * *

Temari's Date

Temari was waiting for him when he emerged after his half-hour break. Since it was 2.30, there was no chance of another lunch, so Shikamaru let her lead him off to a mystery location.

They finally reached a clear area, with trees all around them in a circle, making the place seem like an arena.

"Here we are!" Temari said, reaching into her pocket. "Now… THINK FAST!"

She threw several kunais at him suddenly. Shikamaru blocked them – just.

"What are you doing?!" he exclaimed.

"Training." Temari replied. "You still need to beat me properly. You gave up in the exam, remember?"

"Y-yeah…" Shikamaru began, about to protest. However, it was too late. Temari began attacking him relentlessly, even cutting his arm at one point.

After the two hours were over, Shikamaru took advantage of the break to clean up his arm and rest. He was exhausted, his chakra nearly all gone! How on earth did people go on dates? His had so far only been boring and exhausting… what was the point?!

* * *

Deidara's Date

Deidara wasn't wearing his Akatsuki robe any more, but was instead dressed in the clothes he had worn in the fashion contest. Gai, his most vocal supporter, had given them to him as a gift for being his favourite contestant in the well-dressed stakes.

"Er… ready, stag?" he said, sounding a little nervous.

"Sure." Shikamaru sighed. "Where are we off to?"

"Well…" Deidara began. "I just tried to pick something you like that I could do to, and, well… I couldn't really find anything. So I thought maybe we could take a walk up to the hills, and watch the sky together, un?"

Shikamaru looked at him for a moment, surprised, before nodding. They set off, quickly finding a suitable place. After a few minutes they settled into a comfortable silence, watching the clouds moving across the sky.

When they had been there for about half an hour, Deidara slowly inched his hand across until it was in Shikamaru's. Shikamaru didn't protest, or move. He was feeling peaceful and laid-back now. They stayed like that for another hour, occasionally pointing out strange-shaped clouds to each other, before going back to the camp.

* * *

"Well?" Chouji asked.

"Girls are really troublesome." Shikamaru sighed.


	10. Chapter 10: One Night With Shika

Part Ten 'One Night With Shika'

The last three contenders stood in front of Chouji. He was alone; although they wondered where Shikamaru was, they knew better than to ask.

"Well," said Chouji, "There is only one round left to go. Shikamaru regrets that he couldn't be here to tell you the results of the last round himself, but he found it too depressing. He asks that you forgive him for not being able to face this task."

All three nodded, and Chouji produced a letter from a hidden pocket. Brushing a few crumbs from it, he began to read.

"Dear contestants, this is Shikamaru. I could not bear to tell you this face-to-face, but it needs to be said.

"The last round was a revelation. I think I found out more about you yesterday than I ever did in the other rounds. I have a lot to say about the dates we went on, so I'll try to keep it short.

"Ino, I always suspected you were more than just a pretty face. However, yesterday made me doubt that. All you really care about is your appearance, nothing else matters to you. You didn't ask if I was bored. You didn't realise when I was. How could you possibly have expected me to enjoy myself? Shopping is one of the most troublesome things in the world, but shopping for clothes… I can't bear it. How you decided it would be a good idea, having known me for so long, it is beyond me to work out.

"Temari, I know we've had a lot of fights before, in both a professional and a non-professional setting, but seriously – training? You thought I would like to train? Why would I do a thing like that? Again, you never asked my opinion. I was bored senseless – not only that, but exhausted, and almost out of chakra. I don't have a lot, and I rely on tactics to get me through; you never thought to ask me, though, did you? So I did as you wanted, and I didn't enjoy one bit of it. Trying to kill each other isn't the most romantic thing I've ever heard of.

"Lastly, Deidara. You picked something I enjoyed; you obviously thought about what I wanted rather than yourself. But, was it genuine? I can only speculate as to how much enjoyment you yourself had, and that makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Love is compromise, not giving in. If we were together, would every date be something I enjoyed? No, it wouldn't, because that wouldn't be fair on you. Truthfully, I don't think you had as much fun as the girls did, which perhaps isn't fair.

"Having said all of that, I now have to give you my decision. It pains me to do this. Deidara, you're through. You two girls… you didn't do well. But one of you did worse, and that person is Ino. I'm sorry. Being one of my closest friends doesn't grant you automatic passes. You're out. I hope this won't affect our friendship, which I value highly.

"Deidara and Temari, you're in the final now. Please don't disappoint my faith in you."

Chouji rolled up the letter, and Ino walked away without a word. There were many tears in the bedroom above the flower shop… but in front of the others, she remained calm and focused.

An hour later, when they gathered to receive their instructions for the day, Shikamaru joined them. He was quiet and subdued, but he was there, and that was what mattered.

"This is the final round before I choose one of you, and because of its importance, it will last for three days." Shikamaru explained. "The first day will belong to Temari; the second to Deidara. The third will be a day of decision for me, with your results at the end, which I am sure will be very troublesome.

"The challenge is this. Each of you will spend all night alone with me in my treehouse. That is it, pure and simple. I will give you no aim, no goal, no instructions. You will do as you see fit, and you will be judged accordingly."

Deidara looked at him for a moment, stunned; Temari scratched her head; Chouji munched loudly on some crisps, and then silence reigned for a while.

"So… the whole night?" Temari said.

"Yep." Shikamaru confirmed.

"In your room?" Deidara pressed.

"Yep."

"…With you, alone, all night?"

"Yep."

* * *

Temari's Night

At 9pm, just as the sun was dipping below the horizon, Temari climbed up to Shikamaru's room.

"Come in." he said to her, and she walked inside, closing the door behind her.

"Are you tired?" she said.

"A little," he admitted.

"Then let's sleep?" She replied, thinking, _Well, he told me to ask his opinion and find out what he wants to do… hopefully, this will work_

"Uh… okay." Shikamaru replied, a little taken aback. _She doesn't want to talk, or train, or do anything? She just wants to sleep?_

They had pushed Shikamaru and Chouji's beds together, while Chouji slept in one of the empty rooms. Temari pulled off her outer clothing to reveal that she was already wearing a nightdress, and Shikamaru slept in his boxers, so they were ready in no time at all.

They each got into one side of the bed, and Shikamaru turned off the lights_. Ahh…_ he thought._ I bet she'll try something now… _

Temari turned her back to him, and wrapped the bedcovers around herself. Shikamaru stared at her – the moonlight allowed him to see her fairly well – and waited for something to happen. And waited. And waited.

Temari began to snore softly, and Shikamaru continues staring in shocked silence. That was_ it_?! She was just going to sleep?

He sighed, and turned over to go to sleep himself. _How troublesome she is…_ he thought, before eventually falling asleep.

* * *

Deidara's Night

"Well, I don't know." Shikamaru was saying. "Is that what girls do?"

"I'm no expert." Chouji replied, crunching on some sweets. "But maybe she just wanted to seem innocent and sweet."

"But she didn't even talk to me! I fell asleep waiting!" Shikamaru replied indignantly. "She's just so… troublesome! Gah…"

"Why are you so bothered about it? It's just part of the contest." Chouji leaned forward suspiciously. "You wanted her to do something, didn't you?"

"I can assure you that-"

"Hello?" It was Deidara's voice. Shikamaru looked out of his window and saw that the sun was once again dipping below the horizon. Deidara stood at the foot of the ladder up to the room.

"He's here." Shikamaru told Chouji, and within a few moments Deidara was stood in his room.

"Hello, my little stag." He said, grinning. "Ready for our little sleepover, un?"

"…Of course." Shikamaru replied. Deidara slipped off his Akatsuki robe to reveal a pair of baggy trousers, which, as he explained, he always slept in.

"So, uh, what shall we do?" Shikamaru asked, hoping it would be something interesting.

"Well, I hired this movie… I thought we could watch it. Oh, and I have popcorn, too." Deidara replied cheerfully, pulling various items out of his weapons pouches.

"The Shining?" Shikamaru said, reading the title of the DVD.

"Yeah… it's a cool movie!"

They sat and watched the film, crunching away on popcorn through it all. Somehow Deidara managed to be leaning his head on Shikamaru's shoulder all of a sudden, and Shikamaru put his arm around him out of reflex. (Only reflex, he told himself.)

When the film had finally finished, somewhere between 11 and midnight, Shikamaru stretched and yawned.

"Well, I guess it's time for bed." He said, a little sleepily.

"Aw, really? I thought we could play on Zelda next." Deidara said, holding up another disc.

"What? Oh… fine."

"You know what I found out? If you throw an eagle at your friends, it attacks them!" Deidara chuckled.

Two hours later, Shikamaru tried again. "Right. I'm going to bed now."

"Really? … Oh, okay. Guess I will too, then." Said Deidara, sounding a little disappointed.

After five minutes of being in bed, Shikamaru felt something wet touch his cheek.

"Wha…" he began turning slightly. "DEIDARA! Don't do that! Get it off me!"

The mouth in Deidara's palm retracted its tongue, and he smiled mischievously.

"Sure, stag." He replied.

The next morning, Shikamaru and Chouji met outside his room, ready for a day of decision making.

"So, how did it go? Are you… are you alright?" Chouji asked, looking worried.

"So… tired…" Shikamaru said, swaying on his feet. "Kept… waking me up… with his tongues…"

"I do NOT want to know." Chouji said, quickly.

* * *

**That Zelda thing? It's true. On the wii game, you can attack anything and everything with eagles. It's my favourite part of the game :D**


	11. Chapter 11: The Decision

Part 11 – Decision.

"Alright," said Shikamaru, in a business-like way (after a few cups of coffee). "Let's go through this round-by round."

"Right." Chouji agreed. "In the first challenge, Temari came up with a fairly good memory, although I notice she couldn't help but slip in a dig about how she had to save you once."

"Yes, that's right. And Deidara was…" Shikamaru shuddered involuntarily. "Well, he said that thing about watching me in the shower, didn't he? That was… creepy, to say the least. Then in the second round, Temari just bragged about how much stronger than me she was."

"Yeah, but Deidara came up with a good plan."

"And he did that thing with my hair…"

"What thing with your hair?"

"Oh… uh…never mind."

"Okay…" Chouji gave Shikamaru an odd look. "So, then it was the round that went wrong… Deidara tried to win by blowing everyone else up."

"Yeah, but it wasn't his fault… I mean, he lives with the Akatsuki, how could he know any better?"

"I still think it was out of order. He cheated, harmed several others, and didn't see anything wrong with it."

"I guess so. But he learnt his lesson when Neji attacked him. And he told me that he plays chess."

Chouji made a face. "So he plays chess? So what? Anyone could, if they were taught. But what about their ambitions? Deidara said, and I quote, he wants to have "a beautiful death." That's not good! On the other hand, Temari just wants to be happy and healthy and have children. She's clearly better suited to you."

"I see where you're coming from…" Shikamaru mused. "Plus, she looked nice in the fashion contest… although, I didn't like what she chose for me."

"No, you're right there, I preferred what Deidara chose. Actually, I think he looked alright for a guy, too."

"Yeah, but kinda messy, don't you think? In the social thing he was alright, though. He didn't try to kill anyone, at least, and he gave me some of that suntan lotion."

"Temari brought you some fruits, too, remember? And everyone had so much fun on that day, so it was a success for both of them."

"Yes, that's true. But, the dates were a little… well, not so good. First off I had Temari attacking me, which I was not impressed with at all. Deidara's was marginally better, but only by virtue of me actually liking it. Overall, they were terrible. The only thing I'm worried about is the fact that, if I choose the wrong one, the dates could be like that I forever /I ."

"Not forever, Shikamaru. Remember your contracts? If the relationship fails, you have absolutely no obligation to go out with them again. Plus, now all the fangirls are off your back, you can concentrate on finding someone you really love. That's if this doesn't work out, of course, but I'm sure it will."

"Of course! I'd forgotten. Well, that makes me feel better. Maybe choosing doesn't have to be so troublesome after all. I can just pick one, and if it was a mistake, choose the other instead."

"But what about last night and the night before, then?" Chouji said, glad his friend was relaxing.

"Well, they were both as bad as each other. Temari did nothing, Deidara did too much. Neither of them had any real advantage over each other. So it looks like it's down to personalities, and who I like best."

"Alright. Shika, man, I really have to ask you. Are you really into guys?"

Shikamaru was silent for a moment, fiddling with a kunai. Eventually, he answered. "Depends on the guy. Yeah, I'm into Deidara."

"But you're into Temari too?"

"Yeah. It's troublesome to decide."

"Well, what about their personalities? Temari is a strong, fearless girl, and she'll definitely keep you in shape. Can you handle her feistiness? She wants kids, so you'll continue the family."

"That's how you see her? What about Deidara?"

"Well, he's reckless. But he's only reckless when fighting for something he believes in. Judging by that, I'd say he would protect you til the day he died. But you would have to push him to think of himself, and the day he dies could be soon, considering who he is."

"Right." Said Shikamaru, and sighed. "Right. I know all of that. But this is supposed to be about love, isn't it?"

"Yeah, Shikamaru. It's about you being happy." Chouji replied, opening a chocolate bar. All this talking made him hungry. "Anyway, first you have to read what it says on this card.

"What?" Shikamaru asked, taking it. "Well… alright. It says, 'To Nemo-Chan, Chibi-no-Miko, shikaino4ever, Shikaki, BrevenRashock, FoolsxxGold, Hinata11235, acindra, sakura-nara, Audkemha, Razputant, Xael-Amari, narzik, Em-I-li-a, cutecartoon, gaarakunxmexblush, harusatox2, and anyone else who commented on, favourited, or just read my story, thank you. You made all this possible."

* * *

The Result

Deidara and Temari stood at the bottom of the tree, waiting nervously, not looking at each other. Chouji climbed down.

"Shikamaru will see you now." He said. They both climbed the ladder, and went in.

"This is troublesome." Shikamaru said. "This is really, really troublesome. I mean… REALLY troublesome. I… I just…"

"It's alright, Stag." Deidara said, soothingly. "Just tell us. We'll understand, un?"

"Yes, we will." Temari added. "We're ready."

"I… I…" Shikamaru paused, and took a deep breath. "Deidara, I'm sorry. Just, really sorry. Temari wins. I'm so sorry."

"That's okay." Deidara said. He left the treehouse. In his hand he was holding the models of himself and Temari. He exploded himself, and walked away, clenching his other fist and holding himself together as best as he could.

In the treehouse, Shikamaru turned to the window, but not to watch Deidara. Temari walked up behind him, and put a hand on his shoulder. He turned, and she saw he was crying.

"Oh, Shika, honey," she said, pulling him into a hug. "It'll be okay. We were meant to be from the start."

Shikamaru nodded, and wiped his face. Looking up at her, he managed a smile. Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

**Well, this is the end of the story... or is it? :D There will be a couple of alternate endings up here soon.**

**The list of names in the middle there is everyone who voted on the story on deviantart, but of course I want to add anyone who reviewed, favourited or read on here :)**


	12. Alternate Ending One

**This is the first alternate ending.

* * *

**

The Result

Deidara and Temari stood at the bottom of the tree, waiting nervously, not looking at each other. Chouji climbed down.

"Shikamaru will see you now." He said. They both climbed the ladder, and went in.

"This is troublesome." Shikamaru said. "This is really, really troublesome. I mean… REALLY troublesome. I… I just…"

"It's alright, Stag." Deidara said, soothingly. "Just tell us. We'll understand, un?"

"Yes, we will." Temari added. "We're ready."

"I… I…" Shikamaru paused, and took a deep breath. "Temari, I'm sorry. Just, really sorry. Deidara wins. I'm so sorry."

Temari stared at him for a moment, paling. Then she burst into tears and ran from the treehouse as fast as she could, almost falling down the ladder. There was a small 'pop' as Deidara exploded the model of her. With his other hand, he placed a model of himself and one of Shikamaru side by side.

Shikamaru put his face in his hands, unable to stop himself from crying. He felt his head lifted up, and a tongue licking away his tears from a loving hand. Looking up at Deidara, he smiled shakily.

"You better not explode on me, now." He said.

"Never." Deidara replied. "I'm through with Akatsuki. It's just… just you and me now. Forever. I promise."

Shikamaru reached for him, and was accepted into a warm embrace.

"Thank you." Was all he could think to say.


	13. Alternate Ending Two

**The last alternative ending... this is the final last part to Troublesome Girls! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

The Result

Deidara and Temari stood at the bottom of the tree, waiting nervously, not looking at each other. Chouji climbed down.

"Shikamaru will see you now." He said. They both climbed the ladder, and went in.

"This is troublesome." Shikamaru said. "This is really, really troublesome. I mean… REALLY troublesome. I… I just…"

"It's alright, Stag." Deidara said, soothingly. "Just tell us. We'll understand, un?"

"Yes, we will." Temari added. "We're ready."

"I… I…" Shikamaru paused, and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Just, really sorry. I've led you both on. I… I can't do this."

"What?" Temari squawked, not quite understanding what he meant.

"I'm sorry. I'm in love with him. With Chouji. I always have been. I… I'm just really sorry. I should never have done this."

Deidara stood angrily, and opened his mouth as if to say something. Then he jumped out of the room. His hands had evidently been busy, as he landed on the back of one of his special birds, and began to fly away.

"I would have changed for you! I would have lived!" He shouted as he went, heartbroken.

Temari just stared at him. Just stared. Finally, she spoke in little more than a whisper. "You may no longer consider Suna an ally." She said. "We will never help you."

At last, Shikamaru went to the ground, to see Chouji.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"Not good." Shikamaru replied, then smiled. "But I think we'll make it."


End file.
